Animal Planet

From my journal: Friday, April 17th, 2009

Today our bus had to stop because there were donkeys in the middle of the road. They weren't just standing there or aimlessly wondering in any of the 360 directions of their choosing like donkeys usually do. Nope. They were going to town. Grooving. Shagging. Makin' whoopee. Darwinizing. Procreating. It was 30 seconds of pure unadulterated entertainment brought to us by mother nature herself. I would say that the children in our bus got the best education on procreation a $60 bus ride can give. But you wouldn't know that because mother nature gets down and dirty here so much that the kids on the block don't even bat an eye.

Since spring has come, there is a lot of animal sex going on. Every day, nature makes sure to remind us that it is alive and extremely fertile. I saw three different animals have sex and realized that humans are so much more docile than animals in the love department. Roosters are straight up vicious! They will full on attack a hen and feathers will go everywhere! Dogs are like rabbits, they just can't stop. Donkeys are just plain loud and selfish. Here, I'll prove it:

Last night I must have been dreaming something intense because I awoke to THE LOUDEST donkey grunting I have ever heard in my life. I thought it was someone getting slaughtered by a cutlass and my whole body jerked alive as if I were in a horror movie and I was about to see a most gruesome murder. Just as I was reaching for my cricket bat and the trusty "Jujitsu for Dummies" book, the tension was cut by the classic donkey "hee haw." Thoughts to immediately follow were these:

"You f#$@ing donkeys! What do you think you are doing!?

Short, mental pause.

"...besides the obvious!

"Listen, people are trying to sleep here and some of these people are taking Larium, a drug that has many side effects, one of which is intense and lucid dreams that can sometimes involve violent actions and depression.

"GET A STABLE!"

It is only at this point that I took a long enough pause to fully grasp what had just happened. I then put the cricket bat down very gently because I realized that I may have over reacted. I was sweating cold bullets. I let out a sigh:

"Did two donkeys having sex just scare the living daylights out of me? I almost beat a donkey with a cricket bat. You crazy man. You selfish donkeys."

I chuckled remembering a past college roommate similar in behavior to the gentile beasts outside my window. I put ear plugs in, rolled over, and went back to sleep.